new years parties

Aaaaah, the end of another year. 2010 has been particularly crap for almost everyone. With the worldwide recession turning even the simplest business transaction into an attempt to extract blood from a stone, everyone is now eagerly anticipating some much needed R & R and the prospect of the end of year bonus.

Social events abound, Christmas lunches, braais etc, and the topic of conversation usually turns to the inevitable: "What are you doing for new years?"

New years eve, champagne, fireworks, dancing into the night, and sharing a kiss with a significant other (or stranger) as we count down to midnight and forget the old and embrace the new.

No, no, no, no, absolutely not.

I'm always up for a party, but you can take your pre-arranged, pre-booked, over-priced, over-hyped, forced and fake affair and stick it in a pair of concrete shoes and send it to Davey Jones' locker. Good parties are almost always spur of the moment affairs, when you find yourself dressed in the clothes you went to the beach in, at 3am, in a house you may or may not know the owner of, surrounded by some good friends and some random (read: normally hot, scantily clad) guys and girls, there should be some kind of mind altering substance involved, normally coinciding with the vowels of the alphabet.

What kind of person books those new years specials at restaurants? You know the ones, we'll serve you exactly the same food we normally do, but we'll add a bottle of 5th avenue cold duck sparkling wine, lock you in our establishment with a bunch of strangers, play some shit music, tell you after dinner that its a cash bar and make you contend with our staff who are so incredibly resentful they're working on new years, they have probably pissed in the sangria.....all this for only R1000, tickets limited!

The "Party". Hey are you going to ...........for new years? Its gonna be the best new years party ever, I heard that ........ and ........are gonna be there and that ........are gonna be performing and that (house owner/party thrower) sold 1 of his 38 listed companies this year and the pool is gonna be filled with Dom perignon and they gonna have a ski slope, only not with snow....pffffft. Plastic, superficial assholes that make barbie and ken seem genuine, the highlight of this party is when I get removed by some pricks bodyguard for asking the jimmy choo wearing, fake-tit sporting chick if her dad minds if we dance. My DAD?!!! followed by a well manicured hand slap, I'm his third wife, you wanker!

A sure fire way to NOT stick to your new years resolutions (quite possibly the dumbest concept anyway) is to approach your give up smoking, lose weight, get in shape, drink less promise by waking up with a splitting hangover, reaching for your smokes whilst ordering take out pizza and settling into a hair of the dog beer, watching DVDs.

So if you're wondering who that asshole is putting on his wetsuit at 6am on January 1st, as you hide in your overpriced cab ride home, hating yourself and life, that's me, happy new year.....