The reality of how insanely crap this game is, hit me like a missed pull-shot to the head, when trying to explain it to an American friend of mine.
"So, let me get this straight" he drawled in his nasally accent "You guys actually have a game that's more boring than baseball?" Now wait for it......he was of course referring to a limited overs game.
In this day and age of fast cars, fast food, fast Internet and faster women, how, I ask you, with tears in my eyes, can you justify five days to play one game? Now, before you purists out there (read: old farts) get your conkers in a twist, let me add this, if you're going to spend five days in a field patting your team mates' asses, would it be too much to ask to have a result at the end? A draw?! A fucking draw?!!!!!!! You have got to be kidding me? "Oh, but it was a titanic battle between batsman and bowler" "This game is on a knife edge, it can swing either way" "The captain has some careful decisions to make at this point". I'm sorry, did I miss something between drinks break, tea and lunch? The only thing that swings both ways are some of the cricketers (sorry KP, you peroxide your hair, you definitely like a bit of polony sandwich).
So, we can all agree that the five day game (yawn) is a total waste of time, limited overs, surely a better option? Um, no. My opinion on this is largely based on our countries' incredible depth of talent, we possess the greatest all round cricketer in our team (Jacques, you beauty, love the new hair) but when this genius can bat through a rib injury, score a 100 and we still lose, that's it, the proteas, the management, the game in general can get caught in the proverbial silly mid-on. If you require more reasoning, match-fixing, detailed conversations about a fucking crack in the pitch and the whopper of them all: Duckworth-Lewis!
Here we have the most complicated, retarded system ever when the heavens open (do cricket players melt when it rains?) Does anyone actually know how the DL system works? I'll bet the answers no, some grumpy prick of an umpire (do these guys ever smile?) just sticks his finger up his ass and goes " I think SA, Australia etc, need to get 5000 runs in 10 overs due to the light drizzle we experienced for 15 minutes, gee, thanks for that.
I will admit, I have enjoyed the occasional game at Newlands, drinking beer, cute WASP chicks everywhere......wait a second, that's why I go to bars! Take away the beer and chicks? Poncy guys rubbing a ball against their crotches.
It's a month to the cricket world cup, where the saffa's actually have a chance of winning, but they will choke as usual and the nations' hopes will be dashed. The Springboks have won TWO world cups, at this point I'll be happy if we could win a series against Bangladesh.
Thank you Herschelle Gibbs for injecting some excitement, I vote they make you coach, get the team, drunk, high and laid and who knows.....we might start winning?
So friggin true.
ReplyDeleteDumbest sport on earth.
Stupid commonwealth countries still playing the sport of their one time oppressors.
Also, why do cricketers all have the worst sunglasses imaginable? They look like they've been designed by a 3yr old sci-fi freak.
4-1 odds on Oz to win the world cup... i'll only say it once.
ReplyDeletep.s. i fuckin love cricket!
Come one...It's gotta be better than watching the so called fastest sport in the world where the only 5 to 10 seconds out of 3 hours worth watching is between the start and the first corner. And that's only because we're hoping for another major pileup. Otherwise we may as well flip to last weeks race to watch this weeks finish. F1 Grand Prix - how to blow 50 million dollars quicker than holding a blow torch over a brief case full of cash. Cricket, it rocks and has the coolest tune ever written about a game. "I don't like cricket, nah, I love it"
ReplyDelete